the semester i thought would never end ended a week ago. i wanted to let out a sigh of relief but got sick instead. i think it was a sign from my body that it needed rest.
but i’m back to normal now, ready as ever to take on the summer.
going on missions in june and working in the city until then. will be raising funds like a madwoman.
jehovah-jireh. he is the provider.
excuse me…but i’m a senior now. when did this happen? what does this mean…
hello
"salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved"
— Peter
"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery."
— Paul
To the Warriors
Haven’t sat in front of a computer screen to write in a long time. What a ride it’s been so far since the New Year started! There’s much to unpack and evaluate. Where to even begin?…
The last week in December of 2011 is a good place to start. That’s when I found out how deep my family’s financial troubles were, to the extent where it looked like I had to take a semester off from school and find full-time work instead. It was a position I was OK with as outwardly expressed, but inwardly embarrassed to be in. The way I felt shed light on my sinful pride and dishonesty before the Lord.
I started to apply to all sorts of odd jobs that would take anybody by surprise. I moved in desperation, rather than in faith. And in my loneliest and darkest of hours, I let all hope go out of me. The wind blew its strongest and the desert breathed its driest then.
In uncertainty and fear for the near future, I attended Vision Conference. Despite how terrible things seemed, I knew it was a place I had to be and a perfect opportunity for me to pray.
Upon my return home, I learned that half of my tuition was provided for by a family member. I was going back to school. And right when I was about to give up searching, I was hired for a part-time job after weeks of waiting and a number of denials.
With nothing more to lose, I went into see a dean at the university to discuss my options. I sat naked in shamelessness and courage, laying out the details of my situation to a warm stranger. I walked out that afternoon from his office with $4,000 in additional grant, carrying $500 over to the next semester…and in tears.
All the hard times I’ve been through in the past two months came at me in a rush of emotion that I couldn’t escape. I was caught up in His grace. To know he was with me all along, brought me to a place of love.
After I shook the dean’s hand and thanked him, I went to the bathroom and wept on a toilet seat for about 30 minutes. I couldn’t get over His goodness and compassion.
It’s now week two of working 24 hours during the weekend, attending classes full-time and interning 14 hours during the week and I am alive because the Spirit within allows it.
This entry is for my brothers and sisters in KCCC and at C2J.
Thank you for keeping me in your cares and prayer. They are what held me together. The thought of you keeps me running. I hope this would be an encouragement unto you and a testimony of His pure goodness.
So if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been and how I’m doing, I’ve been dancing with God in my struggles, praying on my heart’s knees. And I’m doing fine. I’m broken, but it’s okay. He puts together.
Let me know what’s going on with y’all. I’m sure there’s a story of battle behind your smiles. Tell me how God’s been challenging you and molding you in your walks of faith.
And put yo fighter gloves up because we’re not going to let the enemy take any more territory.
THIS IS HOLY GROUND.
I love you. Miss you. See you soon.
His,
Kim
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
— Philippians 4:11-13
Breaking Silence
How shall I pray on behalf of my people at this hour?
It’s not like I never considered it before. I used to think…If Kim Jongil wasn’t there, things in North Korea would be so much better. If the source of deception was removed, the truth would come out and the people would be free from the lies of its regime. They’d be one step closer to having normal lives…but that’s not how things will play out in the coming days. The people will extensively mourn for their leader, chaos and confusion of what to come next will again plague the nation. War is very much a possibilty and many may suffer the effects of greater poverty and destitution from this event.
Lord, I can only say your name, hoping it’d be enough to deliver the urgency of the situation, asking that you deliver your people out of distress, remove callousness from the hearts of their brethren and lead them to a promise land as in the days of the Israelites and their bondage. I’d like to believe that we can claim justice for this land by your name, which is Lord.
"Habakkuk’s Complaint
How long O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.
The Lord’s Answer
“Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
How long O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.
The Lord’s Answer
“Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
— Habakkuk 1:2-5
missing sleep
because i miss the people i’ve shared life with for the past week…
travel note #4
second day since our Yes Daddy team has left 사랑의 집.
i’m trying to figure out why this is so difficult. separation anxiety, i think it is. i’ve only known the people there for 7 short days, but so many things have happened during that time…love. love happened. and yea, it makes sense for that not to go away.
best way to end the trip, something God has prepared in advance, and now i see why. it was for me to meet love through the kids and staff at that place, to wake up to it, eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner beside it, to sit silently next to it, to play with it, to receive and be it.
their faces, the sound of their laughter. i can’t forget.
leaving for the states in 4 days. and then it’s time to move on with life in the states. and i can only be ready when i’ve safely stored the memories of 사랑의 집 for me to remember and revisit..later.
later…
don’t know how long it will be, but i’m going back. i’m going to see them again. :)
just have to write about this
travel note #3
i’ve fallen in love with children. this is a big thing happening!
spent the last two days serving as a teacher for an english camp of approximately 100 kids. best thing i could have ever done this summer, and one of the most unexpected gifts from God.
i’ve been used in a way i did not foresee.
the choice to teach at all was not led by a sincere passion or love for young ones, per se, but initially out of compulsion and the need to occupy myself during my stay in korea. and God has made it much more than that, which i really don’t deserve. what i had sought as a way to earn 2/3 of my flight cost became a priceless experience-the experience of becoming a child again before God, with the help of my students.
i think that’s really hard, no? once you grow up, that’s kind of it. but for two whole days, i lived life as awkward and under-developed 5th grader, seeing and feeling things like one. but you know, sometimes that’s better than trying to deal with things through the ways of my adult self, not that it’s any easier.
placing myself in their shoes, i’ve learned to be honest with myself in hard situations, with others in complications, and with God in my prayers. children can be scary sometimes. they’re deep. deeper than their antics and sudden bursts of fervor and frustrations. and you can tell that that mass of emotion is coming from somewhere pure and untouchable.
i had so many moments throughout the program where i just wanted to give up. because it was just so draining and physically tiring. and i didn’t know what i could do for these little people…with such big hearts, with hurts and problems of their own. things which adults underestimate and dismiss and themselves don’t know how to deal with properly. and i just couldn’t give up on that.
i saw in their faces real dreams i pray won’t be taken away by the belittlement of the world. i heard answers of confidence and certainty i pray will only build up in the direction of God’s righteousness and wisdom. i pray i pray…that they remain as children for as long as they can and become exactly who God had intended them to be. and i pray for love to invade their lives.
it was a mess. a beautiful mess of jumping, screaming and running and shouting praises. and it sounded just right. to be there felt perfect…
